As you’ve probably already gathered being an adult twin yourself, being a twin produces its own set of unique benefits and challenges. Here are some common problems that twins face and suggestions how to overcome them.
My husband/wife/partner cannot understand that I need to spend time with my twin
As you go through your daily life you may feel conflicted at times because you will have to choose between pleasing yourself, pleasing your twin and pleasing your family/boss. It’s fairly common for twins to end up feeling torn in different directions and facing time management choices that they’d rather not face. You can make the situation easier if you’re open and honest with everyone concerned as to how much time you need to spend with your twin and how important having some twin-time is to you. It may help to block out time in the diary with your twin and also some non-twin time for you to concentrate on your family and friends so that everyone is clear as to what is happening and no one ends up feeling like they’ve been pushed away or left out. Don’t forget to pencil in time for you to have some me-time and recharge your own batteries by doing your own thing too.
I find it hard to explain my twin bond to my partner/husband/wife/ children
Trying to explain your twin bond to anyone who isn’t a twin can also be a challenge. Even trying to explain your twin bond to another twin who doesn’t share the same type of bond that you do with your own twin can be tricky enough. Some twins feel like they are only complete when they are with their twin, almost like their twin is the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle or that they feel something is missing when they are not together, where as other sets of twins simply can’t bear each other and just cannot get on. These are two extremes of a long, sliding scale, most twins fall somewhere between these two extremes where they love spending some time together but equally have times when they just don’t see eye to eye and that is perfectly normal too. Keep the lines of communication open with your twin and your family. Let them know how you feel. They may never truly ‘get it’ but if you keep them in the loop they may find it easier to understand.
My twin and I don’t share this ‘magical’ twin bond everyone talks about. Is this normal?
Yes. Not everyone is going to have a magical or even particularly strong twin bond with their twin, there are lots of factors to take into consideration, there is not right and wrong way to be a twin.
People expect me to like exactly the same things as my twin and I don’t
It is a common misconception that twins are quite literally carbon copies of each other, you’re not and it is perfectly normal for you to like different things, have different strengths and weaknesses, hopes and fears and follow completely different career paths. You may have very differing taste in partners, cars, holidays and houses. This is fine. Make sure you let people know what you prefer. People sometimes buy twins the exact same present because they don’t want to look like they’re favouring one twin over the other, or haven’t a clue what to buy the other twin. So make it as clear as possible what you like and dislike.
My partner can’t stand my twin (and vice versa) what should I do?
This is tricky because you may end up feeling stuck in the middle between the two of them. Try to see each separately for now and see how things develop. If your twin and your partner don’t get on, can you see a reason why? If you can look at the situation objectively you may be able to find a solution. Try to wait until the emotion is taken out of the situation and then try having a chat to them to address their concerns. Listen to what they’re saying with the view to understanding how they feel and see what happens.
My twin is jealous of me and my lifestyle. What can I do?
Twin jealousy is not uncommon between adult twins. Having someone who is exactly the same age as you and who has been brought up in the same way as you instantly provides you with an ideal ‘control’ to measure yourself up against and when you find yourself lacking when placed next to your high-flying twin it can be very difficult to deal with. Especially if for some reason you feel powerless to change the situation, you perceive your twin to have had all the luck or are lacking in confidence to make a better life for yourself. The solution is probably to reassure your twin that they are doing things well in their own right and that they have things that they can do that you can’t. Offer to help them to do anything they’re currently not brave enough to do.
Over to you! Please leave your thoughts and comments in the box below
Please feel free to share your thoughts on what it’s like to be an adult twin and the benefits and challenges that being an adult twin brings.
Look forward to hearing from you soon
Sarah (Founder of Twinsonline)