Are there twins in the family?
You will no doubt be asked this lots of times during your twin pregnancy. If you have non-identical twins in your family you are at a slightly increased risk of having twins yourself. However many people have twins with no family history of twins at all.
There are other factors which may contribute to the likelihood of having twins yourself, which include your age (many twins are born to ladies in their late 30s and early 40’s) Some races have a higher (or a lower) incidence of twinning than others
You DON’T have to have twins in the family in order to have twins yourself. (It is surprising how many people can’t believe they are having twins because they don’t have twins in the family.)
Identical Twins (sometimes called Monozygotic or MZ twins)
Identical twins start off as one fertilized egg which then splits into two in around the first 12 days after conception.
Identical twins which are dichorionic diamniotic
If splitting takes place in the first 3 days after conception your twins will have their own placentas and outer membrane or chorion as well as having their own amniotic sacs.
Identical Twins which are monochorionic diamniotic
If splitting occurs between day 4 and 7 after conception your twins will share an outer membrane (chorion) and placenta but have their own amniotic sacs.
Identical twins which are monochorionic monoamniotic
Twins who split later than 7 days after conception have one shared chorion (outer membrane) and placenta and share one amniotic sac.
Conjoined Twins/ Siamese Twins
If splitting occurs later than around 12-14 days after conception the twins may be conjoined (also known as siamese)
Semi-Identical Twins
These are created by one egg which splits into two and then is fertilized by two different sperm. It is thought to be quite rare.
Non-identical Twins (sometimes called Fraternal Twins, Dizygotic twins or DZ twins)
Non-identical twins start off from two eggs that are fertilized by two sperm. They always have their own placentas, chorions and amniotic sacs. Non-identical twins can be both boys, both girls or boy/girl.
My twins are identical and sharing a placenta, I have been told that they are at risk of getting Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, help!!
First of all don’t panic too much, if your health team are aware that you are carrying identical twins which are sharing a placenta, they SHOULD be keeping an eye out for the signs of twin to twin transfusion syndrome which is a positive thing. You will more than likely be offered more frequent scans (sonograms) to monitor your babies progress.
TTTS is something that affects some identical twins who share a placenta, - there is some debate about how frequently it occurs - possibly around 10% to 20% of identical twins sharing a placenta will be affected by it. If your twins are not sharing a placenta they are not going to be affected by it.
What happens is the blood allocated to each twin is uneven, and quite literally one twin “donates” blood to the other, causing one baby to be large, and at risk of heart problems due to the extra blood in his or her body and the other one to have two little blood causing them to be very small and weak and not having enough nutrients to survive.
It is vital that twin to twin transfusion syndrome is treated, as it can cause serious problems with both twins and can be fatal. There are various different options available, including using a laser to cut off the supply between the twins, thus stopping the problem.
Everywhere I look there seems to be twins- why is this?
Twins are definitely on the increase, mainly due to people leaving it a little later to start having children, as well as the increase in people having I.V.F. or taking ovulation stimulants.
Should I dress my twins alike?
Some parents of twins enjoy dressing their twins alike, some TWINS enjoy being dressed alike, so the choice is really up to you. However bear in mind that getting two identical outfits can be very expensive, and if you are very keen for them to always look alike you will have to change BOTH babies clothes every time one spills their dinner down their front. Now I don’t know about you but whilst I love my washing machine dearly, I don’t spend anytime longer than strictly necessary with it, so having more washing isn’t an appealing prospect!
Also bear in mind that people are very drawn to twins dressed alike, so if you would like a quiet afternoon at the park, or a quick trip round town, dressing them alike is just asking herds of nosy old dears to come and investigate!
However it is vitally important that you give your twins a good sense of identity (although granted there are plenty of other ways of developing identity!), and one very simple way to do this is to dress your twins either differently or giving them a variation on a theme (a blue top for one and a green one for the other for instance) so it just helps people work out which twin is which.
Erm... which one are you?!
It is vital that once your twins get to school/ playgroup/ kindergarten/ pre-school / nursery the staff have a good clear quick way of identifying which twin is which, so in this case it would be good to offer the staff some outward symbol of who is who even if it is just different style shoe or for girls, hair bobbles etc. It is not good for twins to be constantly faced by the question “which one are you?” Twins like to be known by their own name, so please make it easy to tell them apart!
Coping when one twin is more dominant (or very quiet!)
Some sets of twins are well balanced, and are equally confident and outgoing and this is fabulous and to be encouraged! However some sets of twins have one twin who is very much more confident than his/ her twin. This is something that needs to be addressed, even if they are quite young. Both twins need to equally confident and able to make decisions, and deal with new situations without hiding behind their twin (or constantly leading the way!) Allowing the quieter twin to make choices (simple choices between perhaps having orange juice or apple juice) is a good start. Ask them what they want first, then they are not tempted to just go with what the more dominant twin wants!
Give them plenty of opportunities to play with other children (if possible either arrange for them to play with a slightly younger child if they are a bit quiet or a slightly older one for a dominant twin) At pre-school or school allow them to work in separate groups, as this will mean that the less dominant one has to make their own decisions without basing their choices on what the other twin would like. Encourage them to make friends with other children, and give them both plenty of support.
Aim for the future.
All twins need to be able to cope independently from each other. Other children (those who are not twins) start school aged 4 or 5 years and have to meet a classroom full of children and cope. Twins have the added advantage that normally where ever they go there is a familiar person for them to talk to (i.e. their twin) It is a valuable tool for twins to be able to make friends and cope with new situations whether their twin is present or not.
There have been cases where a parent of twins worries that “oh X would never be able to cope if Y wasn’t there” This is something that needs dealing with immediately. Give them both plenty of opportunities to do things separately, if necessary separate them at school or play group.
Twins and other friendships
Sometimes you will find that one twin gets on really well with one child in his or her class and the other twin is just not so keen. This can cause dilemmas especially when it comes to inviting the child back to your house or your twins visiting the child in question.
There is no set rule that twins HAVE to like each others friends, it is absolutely no different to you liking or disliking your partners pals or your friends friends. If you can manage it a solution to the problem could be inviting your twins separate friends on separate days, or allowing Twin A to go see Child A whilst Twin B gets to go see his friend Child B so that your friends parents do not feel overwhelmed by having two extra children in the house and also your children can begin to make special friendships with other children (which is vital, as one day in the future they will need to have special relationships with their partners so it is all good practice for them!)
Twins and Parties
Sometimes you will find that only one of your twins has been invited to a party or for tea. It happens. Ensure that the twin left behind gets to do something enjoyable (they might appreciate you doing something like baking with them or having a treat like a trip to the cinema or simply having a one to one conversation or a story would be helpful.)
Competitiveness and Twins
Any siblings are likely to compare themselves to each other and this is doubly true for twins. Whilst a little bit of competition is healthy, over competitiveness is not! It is vitally important for twins to follow their own path in life. It does not always follow that they will both excel at the same subject, and it can be hard to deal with one twin saying “I can do this and you can’t ner ner ner ner ner!” It is especially hard on the twin who is struggling with a task, as it is only natural for him/ her to feel a little bit inadequate.
If you encourage each twin to be good at things they enjoy and reinforce the fact that whilst yes Molly might be brilliant at music, you’re fabulous at football/ art/ maths/ making people laugh etc, the competitiveness should remain a relatively positive thing. (sometimes it can have a positive effect, in that both twins will try extra hard to do something well!)
Physical Development and Twins.
Twins may or may not reach developmental milestones at the same time. they may or may not be ready to be weaned, potty trained etc at the same time. One may walk months sooner than the other, one may be able to speak more words than the other.
It is vital that you work at each individual twins own personal level. If one twin is ready to be weaned - wean him! if one twin is ready to be potty trained and the other one isn’t then train him! If at all possible let the one who is ready get on with it and the other one will generally soon catch up! It is generally not a good idea to make one wait for the other, or to wean/ train /whatever a twin who is clearly not ready.
There are no hard and fast rules which state that you have to do everything at the same time just because they are twins. They have two separate birth certificates, they are two people, treat them like they are.
If your twins are premature you may find it helps to think of their age being calculated from the date they SHOULD have been born, not necessarily the date they WERE born. So if your babies were say due on the second week in February and were born on the first of January, take their age from the second week in Feb NOT the first of January. This will take the pressure off you worrying that they are not doing what they should be for their age, because by rights they should be X weeks younger than they are.
Also always remember that child care books stating that your child should be doing X,Y,Z at age 1 month, 2 months etc are merely a guideline for reference. Some children will walk very early, others will be 15 -18 months old when they decide to do it. I know of a girl who just would not speak at all until she was three, and now can talk the hind leg off any animal, not just a donkey.
Speech and Language Development and twins
Twins MAY find that their speech and language is slightly delayed but equally they may find that it is perfectly normal and develops at the normal rate.
You can help with their speech and language development by maintaining eye contact with your children when trying to talk to them, by having conversations with them one to one (don’t always address them as a group) reading plenty of stories, and getting them to listen not only to you but to each other.
If you find they start talking over each other (speaking at the same time as each other) or other people, this needs to be addressed as the whole point of a conversation is to speak and listen not to shout your own conversation as loudly as possible.
You may have to structure their conversations so that each gets a chance to speak, rather than everyone listening to the twin who shouts the loudest! It can be difficult at first, but the last thing any mum of twins needs is a headache, due to having two or more children shouting to be heard.
Together or Separate?
Right from birth parents are faced with a small dilemma, should they keep their twins together, or separate them? Should they share a cot? Should they share a room? When they get to school age, parents have to chose whether or not to educate them in separate classes or together.When it comes to sleeping there are no hard and fast rules that state that twins HAVE to sleep together. Some parents put them in separate cots or Moses baskets from day one and this works fine. Others feel they would be happier if their twins are together. It is important that you ensure that your twins are safe, and unable to pull the covers over each other, and that they do not get too warm. From personal choice I would put twins into their own sleeping space from the start, this way they are not relying on each other to get to sleep and don’t wake each other up when rolling over etc.
Sharing a room largely depends on available space, some parents let the twins share a room whilst they are little but then if space allows separate them when they are a little older. Giving twins their individual space can be a great bonus as they are then able to express their personalities and also have the freedom to either read, watch tv, study or listen to music or chat to friends without having to consider what their twin is doing. However if you do not have the space, then don’t worry too much, they will cope.
Should twins always be doing the same things at the same time to make it fair?
The most reasonable and sensible answer to the question has got to be that they should be kept together some of the time and separated for some of the time. Most twins enjoy having their twin with them but also enjoy having a bit of space from their twin.
As for sharing a sleeping space, if you have space I would seriously recommend that you let them have their own space to sleep, be it a Moses basket when they are tiny or a cot when they get a bit bigger. They should be able to fall asleep without having to have their twin present.
If you have room, and your twins are a little bit older they may appreciate the additional space and enjoy having their own bedrooms. Again there are no hard and fast rules stating that twins HAVE to share a room. Some parents found that whilst the twins were little it did help to share a room, but as they grew up, having their own room worked better. At the end of the day the decision is yours and will probably depend on how many bedrooms you have and how many other children you have. If you have a spare room that you don’t often use it might be worth considering separating them.
Separate classes?
When at school, the choice to separate them or keep them together may be decided by school policy. Some schools insist that twins are kept together and others insist on separate classes. Some schools however are so small that they only offer one class per age group and again the decision will be taken out of your hands. If however you have the choice of separating them, you will have to work out which is best for your twins.
You could try having them separated and see what happens. If your twins are fairly independent they will probably be ok in the same class, but if you find that one twin is very dependent on the other, or they are co-dependent (very dependent on each other) a short spell in separate classes might be a good idea to develop their individual confidence.
Twin Telepathy
Are your twins telepathic? There have been countless reports of twins being telepathic or just knowing when the other one has been in danger, pain, or just unhappy, and also just knowing what the other one is thinking.
Could telepathy be explained by the fact that people tend to spend lots of time in close proximity to one another end up “tuned in” to each others wavelenght- often similar things happen between close friends, colleagues,partners etc Or could their really be a kind of soul-link between some sets of twins. What do you think? E-mail and let me know especially if you think your twins may have some kind of telepathic experiences.
To find out more information about twin telepathy and telepathy in general, go to www.extrasensory-perceptions-guide.com/learn-telepathy.html
If I have twins will they feel each others pain?
Some twins do experience this - if yours does please or you are a twin yourself please e-mail
Any Questions about parenting twins?
Have a question regarding twins that has not been answered here?
E-mail
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Page Last Updated
June 16, 2008
Disclaimer:- Twinsonline is here as a guide only - anything you do you do at your own risk
If you have a health concern please go see the relevant member of your health team (GP, Health Visitor, Midwife, Obstetrician)
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