Twin Toddlers
You have twin toddlers, now what do you do?
Firstly ensure that you toddlerproof your home, by moving all valuable items including your c.d. collection to somewhere well out of the way of little hands.
There are a range of baby safety products in the Twinsonline Shop
If it is valuable or dangerous lock it up!
Lock up all tablets and medicines, make sure all windows are properly secured, keep a spare key to any Yale locks on the outside of your house (well hidden out of sight) put sharp knives out of the way too. Fit baby gates to all stairs, top and bottom and move the changing mat to the floor.
Make Battle plans!!
Next sit down with your partner if you have one and decide what behaviour is acceptable and what you are going to do about any unacceptable behaviour.
It helps greatly if you are both singing from the same song sheet, toddlers find it very confusing if one parent is very strict and the other one very lenient. They need to know that X is ok and that Y isn’t and that it will be like that today and tomorrow and the day after. It makes them feel secure knowing exactly where the boundaries lie.
Set Boundaries
They should be allowed flexibility certainly, but within set limits. Hitting their twin is not acceptable, nor is spitting, hair pulling, tantrums, biting etc.
Whilst you may argue that a one year old baby is too young to understand the difference between right and wrong, it will help in the long term to demonstrate from an early age what you do and do not expect behaviour wise.
It is harder for a child to get to his or her second or third birthday and suddenly find that the goal posts have been moved, that it suddenly isn’t ok to do X. Make things simple- start the way you mean to go on.
Teach them what they need to know
Don’t forget that children are not born knowing that they are not allowed to hit their brother/ put fish fingers in the dvd player/ flush your bra down the loo.
You have to tell them what they can and can’t do. They don’t have any understanding of ‘naughty’ behaviour or ‘good’ behaviour. This is why children who are set firm boundaries tend not to be as ‘naughty’ as those who have no boundaries or who’s boundaries are not so clear.
Imagine what our society would be like if we didn’t have some simple rules which we had to stick by? If it was ok to hit the rude assistant in the supermarket, or if it was ok to pull the hair of the traffic warden who just gave us a parking ticket? If we could drive on whichever side of the road we felt like, or if we could stamp our feet because the postman had brought us yet another bill? Life would be horrendous wouldn’t it? Well the same principle applies with parenting twins. They need to know that it is ok to play nicely, to share toys and be polite and having fun is good, but being rude, mean, silly, fighting, biting and having tantrums is not acceptable.
Set some limits
Sometimes twins display ‘interesting’ behaviour because they have too much choice in front of them. You know what it is like, if you are faced with a huge selection of products in a store, sometimes its really hard to pick just one and you worry that you have picked the wrong one. The same applies to choices for toddlers. If you want them to make a decision limit it to two choices. Blackcurrant or Orange Juice, Park or Picnic. This allows them to have some say in what happens in their lives but still means that you are fully in control of the situation.
Pack some of their toys up into plastic tubs and then make sure they only have one or two tubs out at a time. Don’t let them have free rein with all the toys you possess. Ensure that you have several boxes of toys ready to produce when you need to distract them or when they get bored of one lot.
Work with your twins!
Work out what time of day your twins are happiest, and when they need to sleep. Choose to do things that involve lots of energy during their happiest times and keep anything they could perceive as boring away from their natural sleep time.
Should my twins have a regular daytime nap?
The simple answer to this is that some twins really do need one or more naps a day and others don’t .The key is to compliment your twins own body clock.
If you find that they have a time of day when they are unusually cranky, it might be a good idea to try putting them down for a nap for 30-60 mins to see if that would help. It should be possible to work your twins naps around your other activities.
It helps if they are in a structured but flexible routine during the toddler years, so bear in mind that if you generally go to toddler groups and music club and gymtots in the mornings a few days a week, your toddlers will be more likely to be awake on the other mornings so schedule in an afternoon nap.
My children were all very keen to have a sleep in the afternoon and continued to do this right until they went to Nursery school. They had their lunch and went down for a nap from 12.40pm which set them up for the rest of the day. It also allowed me to have a much needed break, and so I took the telephone off the hook, made myself a cup of tea and relaxed a while.
Feed them Regularly
Make sure you feed your children regularly, give them foods that are not based on sugar or fat or additives, think more in terms of nutrition, the more nutrients you can pack into each mouthful of food the better. Aim to get them to eat lots of fruit and vegetables, chop them up into bite size chunks if your children are not too keen on fruit and vegetables.
Feed Yourself
Remember to feed yourself as a priority and ensure you get plenty of rest, and breaks, as if you wear yourself out running after the rest of the family the whole system will fail.
Twin Toddlers and Behaviour, Tantrums etc
I am separate to you and you!
During the toddler years children learn that they are separate from you. All children learn this, it is a valuable lesson and one that helps them to become independent people in their own right. However twins and more have one additional problem to cope with, they have to see themselves as individual and separate from you AND THEIR TWIN.
Be Clear when speaking to them.
No means No, not yes, possibly, maybe but NO! If you say No to start off with, stick to it, otherwise your twins will think that No can be changed to a yes, if they behave badly enough, which will mean that every time your children want to have their own way they will simply have a tantrum and you will simply sigh and say “go on then dear!”
If you say you will do something always stick to it, unless there is unforeseen circumstances (i.e. if you promise a trip to the park, go to the park unless the weather becomes so bad that a trip to the park would be downright dangerous) If you do have to change your mind, explain WHY you have had to change your mind rather than just saying that the plans have changed.
Use shorter sentences when asking them to do something.
It can help to use smaller sentences when you are asking your toddler to do something. If you want them to put their wellies on, say “lets put your wellies on now” rather than “we better put your wellies on because we don’t want your feet to get wet do we,” - the whole point of what you are asking them to do can sometimes get ‘lost’ amongst all the words you use. It is fine to use longer sentences in general speech but it helps to keep instructions short.
Give one ‘instruction’ at a time.
If you are hoping that they will put their hat, scarf, gloves on and then their wellies because you need to go out now, it will help if you separate it into shorter instructions. ‘lets put your hat on’, ‘great, lets put your coat on now’ works better than asking them to do the whole lot in one go.
Dealing with Tantrums
If your children are prone to tantrums (which can begin anytime after about 15 months unless you are really unlucky and have a grumpy baby or two!) then try to work out what is the trigger for the tantrum and try to avoid obvious triggers, such as boredom and hunger.
It helps to work out what your twins are aiming to get when they have a tantrum. This could be a range of things from sweets, your attention, the toy their twin is playing with (not an identical toy, but the actual toy that their twin has).
Maybe they don’t want to do what you are asking and feel powerless and are frustrated that you expect them to do what you want them to do, but you might not want to do what THEY want YOU to do, which doesn’t seem fair. They might not want to wear the outfit you have picked out for them, preferring some dastardly concoction of their own choosing, or they might not want to wait until after lunch to tuck into their favourite pudding.
So what do you do?
The main way of curing or stopping tantrums is actually to avoid them starting in the first place. If you see your child playing nicely, remember to go over and chat to them about what they are doing so they get your attention without having to injure themselves or someone else in order to get it. Smile a big beaming smile at them if they are doing anything even remotely nice. Compliment them when they are playing nicely or when they do something you ask them to do. Give them some say in what they do or wear by offering them two choices ‘red jumper or green one today?’ ‘do a jigsaw or have a story’ this gives them some sense of importance without the tantrum, in a carefully controlled environment.
There are various methods of dealing with tantrums, including
- Distracting them in the hope that they will ‘forget’ what they were getting cross about
- Ignoring the tantrum and continuing on as usual without giving them the extra attention until calm has been restored again.
- Giving a Time Out. Some mums use a time out system to give their children time to cool down in a safe place before being able to rejoin the group.
- Holding them firmly but kindly until they calm down.
Ignore undesirable behaviour if possible
If your children do display undesirable behaviour, either ignore it, and continue on giving profuse praise to the twin who is NOT misbehaving, or provide a distraction so that they will forget what they were having a tantrum about.
Do NOT Join IN!
Whatever you do, do not join in, tantrums in adults are ugly and should be avoided unless everything else you try fails, and then only be used in emergencies.
It is probably a phase, so don’t panic
If your children suddenly go through a biting/ fighting/ hair pulling phase, don’t worry, it will pass, again operate a distraction technique, or offer an incentive (do not offer bribes of sweets, or they will start having interesting behaviour patterns purely to gain sweet treats.)
Try to understand the reasons WHY
Try to understand WHY your child is behaving in a particular way, unfortunately for the first few years of a child’s life you will not be able to ask him what the problem is, you will have to guess.
Life gets very much easier when you can say to your child “Tell me what the problem is and I will see what I can do to help you!” rather than having your child yelling at the top of his or her voice because something has upset him/her.
Getting them to walk both in the same direction is also interesting; there are twin baby reins on the market designed especially for toddling twins, which are easier to manage than two sets of baby reins.
From a very early age ensure that your children know what to do if they do get lost in a shop etc (Tell them to head for the row of checkouts and wait)
Potty Training Twins information has now been moved onto its own page click here
Twinsonline Shop
Don’t forget to check out the Toddler Section and the Potty Training Section of the Twinsonline Shop.
Twinsonline Forum
If you would like to chat to other Parents of Twin Toddlers visit the Twinsonline Forum
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Page Last Updated
June 16, 2008
Disclaimer:- Twinsonline is here as a guide only - anything you do you do at your own risk
If you have a health concern please go see the relevant member of your health team (GP, Health Visitor, Midwife, Obstetrician)
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