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How can I prepare my twins for school?
There are some simple steps you can take to help prepare your twins for school.
ཉ You can encourage them to be able to put on their own coats and button them up independently.
ཉShow them how to put their own shoes on and fasten them up (avoid laces until your children are confident in tying their own shoe laces or you will be constantly doing up shoe laces!)
ཉTeach them either how to use a knife and fork (if they are going to have school dinners) or to be able to open yoghurts, peel satsumas, open packets and so on if they are going to have a packed lunch.
ཉEnsure they are fully toilet trained and that they can manage to wipe their own bottoms, and know to wash their hands after using the loo.
ཉTeach them to recognise their own name if possible.
ཉTalk to them about the school and the school day and if possible let them spend some time in their new classroom and meet their new teacher.
ཉ Spend some time reading stories to them to get them used to the idea f sitting quietly.
ཉEncourage them to draw, paint and “write” as often as possible, to help with their fine motor skills
ཉ Play throw and catch with them so they are used to throwing and catching.
Pre-reading skills
Your children will be keen to look at books particularly if you make reading seem interesting.
Trying to get both of your twins to be interested in the same book at the same time can be a challenge but they may prefer it if you let one of them play quietly whilst the other one comes for a story this way you can discuss the story line and pick out words that they recognize and so on, on a one to one basis.
The more reading materials your children have access to the more likely they are to read; so encourage them to read as much as possible whether it is labels at the supermarket, or magazines or books from home, school or the library.
Get books which have a really good story which are well illustrated so that your children can pick up on the picture clues thus making reading easier for them.
Encourage them to learn simple words so that when they do come to want to read they are able to make some sense out of what they are reading and gain pleasure out of reading.
Pre-writing skills 
This is again something that can be encouraged at home:
Always allow your children to have access to paper and pencils or pens so that they can draw or colour in or attempt to write whenever they want to.
You can make them little books out of paper and sellotape, for them to write their own stories in.
Some shops sell work books suitable for children to practice their hand writing in.
Also find out which reading scheme your school is using and how they want to teach reading and writing.
Get them to talk one at a time not all at once.
Do you find that all your children try to talk all at once and none of them ever listen to anyone else??
There are ways of encouraging them not only to talk and to listen too.
It should be possible to teach them to talk one at a time but if you are really struggling and no one is making themselves heard you could try having a baseball cap or some prop or other and whoever is wearing the baseball cap or who is holding the wooden spoon for example is able to talk and everyone else has to listen.
Then when they have finished they hand the baseball cap or the wooden spoon or other prop to the next person so they can talk. Talking and listening skills are both vital to primary school learning so it is important that your children are given plenty of opportunities to practice both these skills.
Should my twins be kept together or separated at school?
This largely depends on three factors
1. The space available in school, some schools only have one class per year (some small schools have one class for infants and one class for juniors so obviously you have no choice but to keep them together.)
2. School policy some schools have a policy that twins stay together, or twins are separated. However if you feel that your twins would benefit from the opposite of the school policy don’t be afraid to go ask for your twins to be either separated or kept together. Your head teacher may have a good reason for why this is the case, but equally might take into consideration what you feel would be best for your twins. It is better to go speak to the school than to feel that your twins would be better off together / separate.
3. Lastly (and possibly most importantly) it depends on your individual twins.
Some twins are very co-dependent (“they need each other”) if this is the case with your twins this may be a good case for splitting them up if at all possible as in the longer term your twins will NEED to be able to cope individually, rather than simply relying on their twin.
Other sets of twins have one who is quite dominant and the other one is more laid back or passive, and sometimes it can help greatly separating the twins in this instance, so that the more passive one has to stand on their own feet and the more dominant one can make friends with someone with similar interests.
Some twins are fairly equally matched in terms of personality, have a good sense of themselves as individuals and feel fairly confident doing their own thing, and in this instance splitting them up or keeping them together will be equally appropriate.
What difference does it make if I split them up or keep them together at school?
Separating them can help prevent some of the competitiveness found in quite a large proportion of twins, it can also help twins make friendships with other children and help them to gain confidence when faced with new situations.
When you have a twin you have a benchmark to compare yourself against. Sometimes twins find that they always compare themselves to each other (not necessarily favourably) it can be quite irritating to be presented with “a better version of yourself” who is in your class, in your room, and watching tv with you every evening.
Twins who get kept in the same class can get quite competitive and find themselves comparing themselves to each other. He’s on a higher reading scheme to me – he can do maths and I can’t and so on.
Putting your twins in different classes can take away a little tiny bit of this competitiveness. They will probably still compare their reading schemes, and spelling scores with each other but the pressure isn’t there as much as it would be if they were in the same class.
Also for teachers dealing with very identical twins it can be quite hard particularly when presented with two identical individuals wearing exactly the same outfit down to the last hair bobble. I once heard of a set of ID twins one of which was struggling with maths. The teacher shamefacedly admitted that she knew one of them had a problem but couldn’t quite work out which one was which. These twins mum got their cardigans embroidered with their names and the following year they were in separate classes and never looked back!
Another good reason to separate them at school would be to enable them to make individual friends with other children. No matter how alike your twins are, you may find that they get on with quite different types of people. If you separate them at school they have to work with other children, and can make friends within their class. In later life they will have to form relationships one to one with other people from colleagues to partners and this gives them a good grounding for forming friendships and relationships outside of the twin - set.
Bizarrely some parents of twins who’s twins are renowned for squabbling find that the squabbling lessens when they spend a little time apart each day. Also it gives them something to talk about “my teacher says…” is always a good topic of conversation. You tend not to get that as much when twins share a class.
Separating them also helps them build their own confidence and gives them plenty of opportunity to do things in their own way and develop their own tastes and interests.
If I keep them together will it harm them?
It won’t harm them, no, but you might find that they compare themselves to each other, and may want to stick together.
If you do decide to keep them together, try to encourage them to have different friends outside school, and give them plenty of opportunities to go to new places on their own.
Keep reminding them that they can’t be good at everything and that sometimes one of them might be really good at one thing and the other twin be much better at something else. Praise them profusely.
Don’t twins always NEED to be together?
Not necessarily. Twins can need some time apart from their twin. At first you might find that your twins miss each other, but after a while it becomes second nature to them and they do not think anything of it. As I said above those twins who “need to be together” probably SHOULD be separated as they need to learn to cope without each other.
Outward Clues as to who is who
If you do decide to keep them in the same class please ensure everyone knows which twin is which!
Twins may look cute dressed identically but it is very hard for teachers to distinguish between sets of twins especially if they are very alike in looks.
It is important to do this so that each child in the class has a good idea who he or she is talking to. Simple measures could be taken like different styles of shoe or a different hair slide for girls could really help this. Some sets of twins find that most of their classmates started every conversation with “which one are you?” .
If I do separate them will they cope?
If you do decide to separate them you might be surprised at how well they do cope without each other. It may take a while for them to adjust to being apart but most twins who are in separate classes tend to cope really well. Coping alone is a good skill to have, as later in life they will have to cope.
What if you try separate classes and they really are not coping at all?
If you feel that they really are not coping and have given it at least 6 weeks, contact your head teacher and ask to discuss other options such as moving them both into the same class.
I think it would be a good idea to separate them but aren’t they a little bit little being separated at age 4?
There are two ways you could approach separating them,
1. You could be brave and set them off in separate classes right from reception, all the other children in the class will be new and having to cope on their own. This works best if the school system allows them to meet up during the school day. Some schools have a set system where things like literacy and numeracy get taught by ability group or age group so they may get put together for this. Usually twins can meet up in the playground at playtime so they can spend some time with each other then.
2. If you wanted to take a little more time before separating them you could get the class teacher to put them in separate working groups whilst in reception so they get used to the idea of being a little bit apart, and then once they go up to Year 1 you could then ask for them to be put in separate classes.
Coping with different levels of ability
Twins may or may not be at exactly the same academic level as each other. Sometimes you will find that one twin is very good say at maths and the other one at art. It is important that you show your twins that it is great that they are good at their individual subjects and that they should work hard to get better at the subjects they are less good at.
Watch out for twins who feel that they do not need to try at certain subjects because their twin is good at them. They need to develop all their individual skills. Praise them for their efforts. Never ever say “well she can do it why can’t you?” it just doesn’t help at all!
Twins should always be encouraged to work at their own individual pace not at the pace of the faster or slower twin. It can be hard when say you have one twin ready for moving up to the next swimming class (as an example ) and the other one is not ready. Try to allow the one who is ready to move up the chance to move up, don’t feel you have to wait or keep them both down until they are both ready to move up (unless of course it would be too much of a nightmare to organise!)
Celebrate each twins individual achievements. I know of a set of twins where one twin always scored 75-80% and her twin scored around 10% less all the time, the one who had a lower score always felt a bit thick in comparison, but in actual fact she was still doing amazingly well and working at her full potential.
Competitiveness in twins
By the time that twins reach 4-6 years they will be quite strongly aware of their own limitations and abilities and will have probably however subconsciously noted that they have strengths in some areas and weaknesses in others this is highlighted in the case of twins because they have a constant source of reference in their twin.
They may not feel that they are as good at or as interesting or whatever as their twin and as a result may decide not to try quite as hard because he or she is better than me.
It is a good idea to point out that they are going to be naturally different from each other and that just because the other twin is good at something there is no reason to completely give up trying!!!!!
Encourage each of them to develop their own strengths and improve their weaknesses and not to pay too much attention to what the other one is or isn’t able to achieve.
If you can persuade them to see themselves as individuals even at this age, you are half way to making them believe that they are worthwhile people in their own right.
Think how you would treat your children if they were 2 years apart in age not a few minutes apart.
Sometimes it is too easy to lump the twins together as one individual unit which will only lead to problems if you always do it!
What to do when one twin is vastly more confident or dominant than the other one
Not all twins have this difficulty; some of them find that they take it in turns at being more confident and outgoing than the other, swapping over depending on the individual situation.
However there are some cases where one twin always leads and the other one always follows - one is dominant and confident and the other one more passive.
This is something that needs to be addressed as in some peoples cases a type of labelling or stereotyping can occur and the twins end up following roles (“the dominant one” or the “weaker one” and they find it hard to stop being the leader/ the less confident one) the leader needs time to just be themselves without having to lead all the time, and the quieter one needs to be able to cope without the more dominant one leading the way all the time.
This could be solved by pairing up the dominant one to another child of similar personality in the classroom, or by trying to get the quieter one to make choices for themselves (something as simple as getting both twins to choose teams in PE or for the quieter one to say first what drink they would prefer first) can help to build up the confidence of the quieter twin.
Suggested solution
In extreme cases putting them into separate classes might alleviate the problem as they will then have to make friends with other children and the less confident one will be able to cope without the more dominant twin.
Give both twins plenty of opportunities to work one to one with another adult, and also with other children. If possible give both twins encouragement to help each other. Encourage the more dominant twin to let the other one take turns in choosing activities and the quieter one to stand up for what they want. It may take some time to conquer but it is possible to break these type of roles.
Important things to remember:
o Give plenty of opportunities for the leader to follow and the follower to lead
o Avoid labelling them as they may feel they have to behave the way their labels suggest.
o Work one to one with them as often as possible giving them plenty of opportunities to make friends with other children
o Remember to treat them as individuals at all times
Attention Seeking Behaviour at school
Twins have always had a lot of fuss made of them right from an early age. People cross the street to coo at twins in their buggies, will stop mums of toddler twins in the street to admire them and are very used to causing a stir wherever they go. Therefore you sometimes find that twins tend to draw attention to themselves as they are so used to having attention.
This can be positive attention (either being very funny in class or being very clever) or negative attention (being naughty or playing up) this is something that parents and teachers of twins should be aware of.
The best way to deal with it is to stop it before it starts, giving twins responsibility, positive attention and lots of interaction, rather than wait until they do something to get your attention. Keep them well occupied and don’t let them get bored.
Teenage Twins in School
The change from primary school to high school can be a shock to the system, especially if it means longer days (perhaps travelling to school by bus or other public transport) and having to do homework. This is combined with having to arrive at school with the correct books, wearing the correct uniform, and taking PE kit on the correct day. If your children have been at a smaller school they may find it a little daunting negotiating their way round a bigger building.
But don’t worry unduly about this as most teenagers settle in nicely fairly guickly, and your children at least will have each other somewhere within the school area if there is a problem of any sort
Together or Separate?
Again you may be faced with the choice between keeping your twins together or putting them in separate classes. Again you may find that the school has a blanket policy of either keeping twins together or separate. If you disagree with their policy, it would be worth contacting the head teacher and finding out if you can negotiate for your twins to be grouped how you would prefer it. Often you find at high school that pupils are grouped in streams according to ability for lessons and only kept together for registration at the beginning of the morning and afternoon sessions.
If the twins are kept together at school all day long you might want to find other ways of giving them some space at home as sometimes twins need a little time apart. Encourage outside activities according to interest and encourage them to have their individual friends.
What do you mean you can only get one twin into this school?!
One other thing to consider is that schools do NOT have to accept BOTH your twins, so you could be faced with the same school or not dilemma (I have heard of a case of this faced by a parent of twins.
I suggested she contacted the head of the school she wanted them both to go to and appeal, as well as appealing to the education authority.
The outcome of this was both twins ended up in the same high school. However some parents positively elect to send their twins to different schools where there are a selection of good schools to choose from. You will be given chance to state what you would prefer and the choice is up to you.
Each set of twins are different so what works for someone else’s twins just might not work for yours and vice versa.
Sets and Streaming
Not all twins will be the same academic level, some sets of twins may have one twin who is substantially brighter than the other one, and in this case you will probably find that one twin is put into a higher set or stream (or working level) than his or her twin. This is absolutely fine as twins should be allowed to work at their own individual level. However you might find that the twin who is slightly less academically able may feel upset at not being in the same high group as his or her twin.
Keep reassuring them both that they are doing fabulously and try not to let the one who is more academic gloat too much about it :) Praise both of them for their individual efforts and achievements. Never say “oh well Susan is good at maths so why aren’t you” Remind them that they should follow their own life path and improve on their own personal best, not try to be like their twin.
Subject Choices
Encourage your twins to choose subjects that they are interested in. It does NOT matter if they choose different subjects.
What does matter is they do something that they find interesting as it is easier to get a higher grade if you are interested in a subject than if you find it very boring.
Look at what subjects are offered at a higher level too and any subject requirements specified for courses at AS and A level and also colleges/ Uni.
School Grades and Study Schedules
When your children do exams, encourage them to have a go and do their best. Try hard not to let them compare their grades as each one must try their hardest and do their personal best. Encourage regular studying (preferably where they both have to do some quality study rather than simply argue with each other.) and give them regular breaks.
The optimum time to concentrate is 20 mins at a time. Ensure that they have regular healthy snacks and get plenty of sleep.
It can be hard however if one child is very capable and can get 70%+ in a test when the other twin can get 60% after a long hard slog. Encourage the one who finds it harder to keep going and trying as hard as possible.
When the grades do arrive through the post be as supportive and positive as possible.
Conclusion
Whether you choose to keep your twins together at school or not is largely up to you and what the circumstances of your particular school dictate. Whilst it can be a positive experience for some twins to have a little space from their twin during the school day, it certainly will not harm your children to be kept together. If you make a choice and later decide that the opposite choice may have been better, make a point of discussing this with your children’s school.
Children thrive when given plenty of praise and when thought of as brilliant in their own right. Try to downsize any massive differences in ability and hopefully you will sail through your twins school years with relative ease.
©Copyright Twinsonline www.twinsonline.org.uk 2003-8 All Rights Reserved.
Page Last Updated
June 16, 2008
Disclaimer:- Twinsonline is here as a guide only - anything you do you do at your own risk
If you have a health concern please go see the relevant member of your health team (GP, Health Visitor, Midwife, Obstetrician)
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